The end...

...of the storage unit is nearly here!

The storage unit that we rented for mom's stuff is nearly cleared out and I am thankful. It's been many long, hard hours, some drudging through poinent memories that bring grief to the surface, some moments that brought exquisite anger, raging feelings of missing mom and even some thoughts of "mom, I wanna kill ya, but you're already dead". All that is left "in the unit" is the electric organ and a hutch, both apparently hard to find homes for.

Please don't mistake the unit being cleared out as to having all of mom's stuff sorted out and gone through. Oh, NO... there's still boxes and plastic totes that litter the house, mosty paper and pictures, but still new homes need found or new manners of expression for these memories. Maybe we should ship it all to my brother in California! Naaaa.... what fun would that be. Besides, he'll get his own box for him and his son of all kinds of things interesting and tell-tale!!!!!!!

Mom on her 59th birthday, March 17, 2006.

I try not to think or hope too hard on the fact that I wish for life to calm down a bit more. My 84 year old Grandma has been having a hard time of her own, she's fallen down (thankfully nothing broken), can't leave without help (no car now, she sold it in late June) and is lonely. So much does my heart go out to her, it has to be rough, loosing 2 of your 3 children and the 3rd one, not visiting much or basically having much at all to do with you. Makes me furious, but alas, there is nothing I can do about it. I try, I write my aunt, try talking to her in emails, but no response.

When it comes to Grammy, I can choose (and do choose always) to love her, no matter how much she drives me nuts at times (read often).

To me that's family. You love them to with your whole heart, even during the moments you wish you could just throw them (or jump yourself) into a hole or perhaps staple, hot glue or duct tape their mouths shut and run away.

Esther's rose... a shining example of God's love.

God's Word says He won't give us any more than we can bear (when it comes to trials, tribulations, and the like). I believe it. I also believe He likes to take us the edge, where there's a "one last straw" before we break. I believe also it is for growth (a very good thing) and not to break our spirit, although lately it feels like I'm broken. God loves us... God loves you and God loves me and He never will harm us. I just forget to look at my Source of strength a lot, especially in the past 3.5 months.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

love has left a silence that speaks but from the heart
where nothing can over come it,
not life, not death, nor dark,
love a fondness of memory,
tears not silently shed
love
break the silence,
quiet the ache
love
a strong and fragile offering
my love